Today I begin working on a new project. I need to stay focused on work, as there’s much sadness in my life. Four people who mean a lot to me are going through a tough time, and I feel helpless. Its called life, but sometimes its can be such a bitch.
I suppose we all reach that point in our lives where we must accept that those around us will eventually succumb to either old age or illness, as life moves on for us all in the end.
But still it doesn’t come easy.
Is escapism wrong?
I suppose by shutting a painful door and hiding out in my work, it could be seen as a coward’s way out. I’m still raw after spending time watching my mum’s painful passing. You try telling yourself it’s all part of living, that we must face the truth that all life on Earth is limited. That it’s all about the quality of our living which is the most important thing. How we’ve treated others that define our existence.
Taking to my work, and burying myself in my writing has made me more driven. I remember visiting my grandmother in hospital. She was 84 and had suffered three heart attacks. As I walked into the ward, she turned to me and said, ‘I was just sitting here thinking back over my life wondering how my life would’ve turned out differently if I had taken the opportunities when they were presented to me.’
As I sat down on her bed, she continued, ‘Paula, you always seem so sad. You need to sort your life out before it’s too late.’
I took onboard what she said and completely changed me life. I didn’t want to be sitting in a hospital at 84 wishing I had taken the opportunities I hadn’t taken. We have one life and we need to live it well, right up until the very end.
Talking to my cousin on the phone the other day, she questioned the ending of her life she has been given. ‘No one talks about it with me, Paula. It’s still the last big taboo’.
I guess when we are born, no one tells us what life will be like after leaving our mother’s womb. So in death no one can really tell us what our dying moment will be like when our time comes.
Maybe the time has come for all of us to face the consequences of being born, that with life comes our death. Reaching my age, and see the deaths of my grandparents, my parents and now those I hold close in my heart, it’s time for me to plan my own ending.
Though we cannot plan the exact moment, we can make sure those closest to us, know what we wishes for at our end. I played classical music and sat reading to my mother as the last thing we lose as our bodies close down is our hearing.
So if you plan what you want at your funeral, maybe you show also plan what it is you want while you are dying too. What pieces of music do you want played at your bedside? What books do you want read to you?
Sorry for the heaviness of this posting. 😢
I’ve submitted my novel to three places, and submitted a short story to an anthology and have completed another submission. My next project is for a major competition.
Keep healthy, happy and smiling. Remember life for living
Paula R. C.