When I set out on my writing journey in 2002 I had to climb a mountain. I felt the cards were stacked against me, with only a basic education and no understanding of English Grammar. I left school with no qualifications and was unskilled so the only jobs open to me were dead end ones. I had one ambition in life, a childhood dream, and something I felt I was good at. I did try to get into art college, but failed due to the lack of qualifications in Maths and English. Next I tried to take the route via evening classes. At first these were affordable for me, but life took me in a different route.
I got married and had a son. For a while, the same as with all women, our dreams take a backseat as we put others before us. Life isn’t always kind to us, and things don’t always follow the routes we plan. My greatest problem has been my lack of confidence and self belief. Too often I have allowed other people’s negative opinions shape me over the years rather than dig deep within myself and fight on. In my thirties I was lucky enough to meet my second husband. He became my backbone and strength. He gave me a card quite early on in our relationship. The words still haunt me.. I Believe In You. One of the verses says I’ve seen so many of your strengths. I know that there are great things out there for you and it’s within your power to make them happen. I have always kept this card beside my computer, and reread those words whenever I felt my self-belief waning.
Since climbing the mountain of doubt, rejection and lack of confidence I’ve never quite believed in my successes. Every accepted publication has been a fluke as far as my inter voice is concerned. It’s as though all my past demons won’t allow me to enjoy a moment in the spotlight for even the briefest of moments. The Funeral Birds is my first step toward my main goal. My long term plan has always been to publish a novel. After hours, months and years that goal is a lot closer than I could have thought possible.
As I sit here writing these words, I know in truth, I’m only half way up the mountain and the demons are closing in as the voices in my head make me question my ability. The problem is when you’ve never had the belief in yourself you begin to create obstacles for yourself. Of course the book won’t sell, can you write another one as good as this one.etc….
So as the mist lifts and I look to the next part of my journey, I must silence the voices and kick back the demons snapping at my ankles if I’m going to move on. It must be remembered the only thing that stands between my dream of success and failure, is me. My single collection is with the publisher and we have talked about cover design. So I’m looking forward to seeing the finished book.
Yesterday, I received an exciting email, but I can’t say anything more about that at the moment. I know, what a tease I’m being, but I’m sure you’re happy to wait a couple of days to find out, my dear readers. After all it is said, the best thing come to those who are willing to wait. 🙂 Have a wonderful day.