Welcome to Clubhouse Chat page. For those of you who are not a member won’t be aware that the location of the Clubhouse is shrouded in mystery. The only way to visit the clubhouse is via membership or an invite to the clubhouse tearoom. Every few days, I’ll be sharing a conversation I’ve had with a guest over tea and cakes, or maybe a glass of something stronger, about their work in progress, or latest book release. I’ll be talking to all sort of writers and authors at different levels of their writing careers.
Today I have a very special guest joining me. Please allow me to introduce Caroline S Kent. Thank you so much Caroline for joining me today. I know you’re such busy lady to tie down for interviews, so it’s a honour that you have taking time out to chat to me and all your adoring fans. Brutus is having a tough time keeping them back.
I shall thank him personally later. My fans are so loyal, such darlings. You know darling Paula, I will always untie myself to see you, it’s always a pleasure. Oh I see you’ve ordered my wine, lovely. Only two bottles, are you not having a drink with me my darlings? ( Caroline raises her glass to the audience)
I shall join you later Caroline. First, I have a few questions I hope you don’t mind me asking as I know you’re a very private person.
Well, you can ask me anything darling, anything at all. Well, except about the pool boy. The poor chap just… Well, lets just leave that one there.
But of course, though I do wish you were a little more gentle with them. I’m having a difficult enough time hiring fresh staff.
Now, now Paula, let’s focus on the questions, darling.
Sorry, right. What would you say is your most interesting writing quirk?
I am lady of distinction darlings. Most of the readers have only read regular writers, never a lady of distinction such as myself. My quirk, if I have one, such a common word for ones eccentricities and things that make me such a lovely person and such fantastic writer, well that would be telling darling.
What do you like to do when you’re not writing?
Listen to opera, drink wine, harass the pool boy. But don’t mention the last bit or we’ll never get a replacement for this one. Peruse Fortnum and Mason’s online shop when I get bored, or if I wish to slum it, Harrod’s rather droll department store.
Do you have any suggestions to help new writers to become better writers?
Practice daily. Don’t just write, practice writing better. Read the authors you love, and look at how they put their prose together. And definitely purchase a copy of your fantastic Stone Angels darlings. They could learn a lot from a master such as yourself. Your prose is so eloquent and beautiful. Now do I mention the butler did it?
Thank you for saying so, Caroline but we’re here to talk about your writing not mine. The next question is if you could tell your younger writing self anything, what were it be?
Don’t waste time with pink champagne, it’s rubbish. Only buy the decent stuff. Oh sorry darlings, you meant about writing, sorry, one has priorities in life don’t you know. I think I would tell my younger writing self not to get distracted with pool boys, concentrate more on the writing. I get so much more writing done when they are worn out…
What was the first book that made you cry, and why? Was it a brilliant plot line etc, or just bad writing?
That horrendous Fifty Shades of shite! How did that awful verbal diarrhea get published? Not to mention that I did not get a single credit for telling Erika how to write sex scenes. Vile rubbish, how dare she forget to credit her EX best friend for her inspiration. How… Sorry, darlings, this bottle is empty, now could you pass me the other one, ooh, a Californian rose, well, I suppose it will do.
Does writing energise or exhaust you?
Depends on my mood darlings. Energise me if I am writing about the burning passion between two people, and I get bored to tears writing the bits about men and their derring do. Why do men have to be so stupid as to walk into a pit of fire to save a lady, can’t they tell they are only acting squeamish to get their attention. Now if they had paid attention on the first place when the lady flicked her hair and flashed her eye lashes flirting at him, she wouldn’t have got herself in such a predicament to require rescue. Oh, and the flame singes my hair and ruins my nail varnish. they should pay attention sooner. Sorry where was I darling, oh yes writing, I get energised writing beautiful prose, and exhausted with the pool boy… sorry I got distracted again.
Does having a big ego help or hurt writers?
Ego darling? How dare you suggest… More wine now, this bottle wasn’t filled to the brim, only two glasses in this taster sized bottle.
Caroline, it was a regular size.
What do you mean it was a regular size. Ahh, here’s my regular delivery to the clubhouse just arriving from Waitrose. Now they know thing or two about wine. Back in a tick.
Wait a minute, Caroline we’re talki… Sorry about this readers
I’m back my lovely… Shoddy service, only three boxes of Champers today. They say they are running low. I’ll have to wait until tomorrow now before I get the rest of my daily intake. Sorry, don’t give me that look, Paula. What did you ask me… Oh yes now I remember if a writer has any kind of ego. They’ll soon lose it, darling when they get their first hundred rejection slips. It will take a greater battering when the editors let loose. So they had better have a thick skin, broad shoulders, long flowing locks, a good few days stubble, muscles… Sorry darling, the new pool boy’s just walked by the window.
You need a thick skin to deal with rejections of any kind. Any ego that they might have will be definitely bashed and very bruised before they get a book published. Did I tell you I have actually started on my novel now, darlings?
Sean, did mention you were busy with your book, when I asked him if you would be interested in chatting to me.
Did he now. Well yes, it’s a love story, of course. More a love triangle actually. My, this wine isn’t too bad, I actually feel relaxed now. Did you have any more questions darling?
Yes, I do. What is your writing Kryptonite, Caroline?
Pink champagne, was you not listening? That stuff is vile. A magnum of the stuff and I have a horrible headache the following morning. I can’t do anything until I’ve had my breakfast and the pool boy gives me a proper rub down.
What was the best money you ever spent as a writer?
I once paid an artist for a proper cover. People buy books with their eyes. A good cover is OK, but a superb cover with a great piece of artwork draws the potential reader in before they even pick the book up. Then you need a good blurb on the back. Worth paying a decent editor for as well. It doesn’t matter how fantastic the writing is, the cover attracts the reader, the blurb perks the interest and the prose gets you the reader. Much like men really, a good body catches the eye, the first conversation (the blurb on the back cover) piques your interest and what they do in bed… Hmm.
Caroline, we’re talking about books and writing.
Yes, darling I know, but you get the picture. What’s your next question, darling?
Oh right. Sorry– if you didn’t write, what would you do for a living?
I’d be a style guru for the rich and famous. Well, I am already, but I would make them pay me rather than do it for the love. Well, that and the parties. Just last week I was at a soiree thrown by… I’d better not name drop just in case some people get jealous.
Do you want Sean to run you home or our driver?
Sean will suffice as a chauffeur, how does that man resist my charms? He says he has a wonderful lady that makes him really happy, does he not know I could make him so much happier. Oh well, yes, well he does have a nice car, so long as he puts the uniform on again, he can drive.
Paula, it’s been lovely seeing you again, darling, but next time, anything less than six bottles of a decent wine is just an insult, but as I like you so much I’ll let you off this once. (Air kiss, air kiss.)
Caroline, it’s always wonderful to see you too. You bring the clubhouse alive. I’ve never see the pool boys and male staff move so quickly when you’re not around. 😊
Darling, you have to keep them on their toes and guessing, my dear. But my real interest lays elsewhere. (Caroline winked at me)
Okay. thank you for joining us here today, and if you would like to find more about Caroline, she on Facebook and by the pool in the clubhouse or in the lost property office. 😊
It you want to find out more about Clubhouse Member’s Books don’t forget to check out the Clubhouse Bookshops too.